Amy Alkon, also known as the Advice Goddess, writes a weekly advice column, Ask the Advice Goddess, which is published in over 100 newspapers within North America. Look for her new book called "Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence" coming out in 2018.

Amy Alkon demonstrates how individuals, organizations and countries can use mediation as a powerful tool to resolve differences by "listening to learn, instead of fighting to win." Mediation is a powerful tool to resolve differences and create understanding, says Amy Alkon, and we don’t have to be professional mediators to use basic mediation techniques. A powerful tool to resolve conflicts is letting go of brute force and deciding to relax and listen to another person which leads to understanding and empathy. Amy encourages, “Don’t fight back — listen your way out of an argument.” Amy is a mediator, specializing in relationship mediation to help couples resolve disputes and training them to disagree lovingly and productively. She also volunteers as a mediator and gives behavioral science-based training sessions for the Dispute Resolution Program in the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office and provides continuing education for experienced mediators. An award-winning nationally syndicated columnist and author, Amy gives talks on applied science to solve problems and improve lives, and has hosted the award-winning behavioral science podcast, “HumanLab.” This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at https://www.ted.com/tedx

Most people would agree that being kind is the right thing to do, but few would evangelize that being kind to strangers is actually good for you. In her poignant and humorous talk, Amy shares life experiences and scientific research to make the world a kinder place and transform us from a society of strangers to a community of co-humans. Amy Alkon is a “science-help” columnist, author, speaker, and podcast host. Referred to by The LA Weekly as ‘Miss Manners with fangs’, Alkon’s award-winning, science-based syndicated advice column, “The Advice Goddess,” runs in about 100 papers across North America. Believing that science and comedy are not mutually exclusive disciplines, Alkon’s most recent book, ”Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck,” demonstrates how we can all live less counterproductively. The Library Journal calls the book, ’solid psychology, [with] a wealth of helpful knowledge and rapier wit’. Amy’s favorite TED talk is Steve Jobs’ “How To Live Before You Die,” which is not an actual TED talk, but is on the TED channel and which she finds enormously inspiring. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at http://ted.com/tedx

Listen to the Podcast (audio) version: https://goo.gl/K9F2fB In this unique conversation Michael Shermer talks with the science writer and weekly advice columnist Amy Alkon about her new book, Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living with Guts and Confidence. She calls her book a “science-help” book, instead of “self-help” because she grounds her recommendations in solid science. Her hilarious anecdotes are there just to illustrate a scientific point. She also debunks widely-accepted but scientifically unsupported notions about self-esteem, shame, willpower, and more and demonstrates that: –Thinking your way into changing (as so many therapists and self-help books advise) is the most inefficient way to go about it. – The mind is bigger than the brain, meaning that your body and your behavior are your gym for turning yourself into the new, confident you. – Fear is not just the problem; it’s also the solution. – By targeting your fears with behavior, you make changes in your brain that reshape your habitual ways of behaving and the emotions that go with them. Shermer and Alkon also get into the #metoo movement, evolutionary psychology, politics, depression, suicide, Jordan Peterson, and other fascinating topics. This interview was recorded on July 5, 2018 as part of the Science Salon series of dialogues hosted by Michael Shermer and presented by The Skeptics Society, in California. Listen to Science Salon via iTunes, Spotify, Google Play Music, Stitcher, iHeartRadio, TuneIn, and Soundcloud https://www.skeptic.com/podcasts/science-salon/ Watch past Science Salon videos https://www.skeptic.com/science-salon/ Learn more about Science Salon: https://www.skeptic.com/science-salon/about/ Learn more about Skeptic https://www.skeptic.com/ BECOME A PATRON You play a vital part in our commitment to promote science and reason. Your ongoing patronage will help ensure that sound scientific viewpoints are heard around the world. https://www.patreon.com/skeptic #sciencesalon

0:16 Amy’s self-help book, Unf*ckology 5:38 Amy’s path from “the cooties girl” to advice columnist 13:01 Impersonating your way to the real you 29:38 How to overcome fear and anxiety 35:19 Why shame is neither good nor bad 47:22 Amy: Be authentic to your values, not to your self 55:55 The wrong way to get people to change Robert Wright (Bloggingheads.tv, The Evolution of God, Nonzero, Why Buddhism Is True) and Amy Alkon (advicegoddess.com, Unf*ckology) Recorded October 22, 2018 Join the conversation on MeaningofLife.tv: http://meaningoflife.tv/videos/41027 Subscribe to the podcast: http://meaningoflife.tv/subscribe Subscribe to the MeaningofLife.tv YouTube channel: https://goo.gl/J9BHA4 Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/MeaningLifeTV Like us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MeaningofLife.tv

Today it’s great to have Amy Alkon on the podcast. Amy Alkon is a “transdisciplinary applied scientist”, who synthesizes research findings from various areas, translates the findings into understandable language, and then creates practical advice based on the latest science. Alkon writes The Science Advice Goddess, an award-winning, syndicated column that runs in newspapers across the United States and Canada. She is also the author of Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck and I See Rude People. She has been on Good Morning America, The Today Show, NPR, CNN, MTV, and does a weekly science podcast. She has written for Psychology Today, Los Angeles Times, Los Angeles Times Magazine, the New York Daily News, among others, and has given a TED talk. She is the President of the Applied Evolutionary Psychology Society, and she lives in Venice, California. Amy’s latest book is Unf*ckology: A Field Guide to Living With Guts and Confidence. In this episode you will learn: The importance of action for overcoming your fears How people-pleasing backfires How you can use fear as a tool for change How to “impersonate your way to being the real you” Why authenticity is overrated How to have a secure self-esteem How to reduce shame How Amy asked for feedback while she was dating How to have the courage to say “no” Why it’s better to have systems than goals “The importance of “small wins” Why dating is a numbers game How to feel more empowered in your life For the full show notes and links relevant to this episode, go to: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/podcast/how-to-live-with-guts-and-confidence-with-amy-alkon/ Subscribe to The Psychology Podcast: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/psychology-podcast-dr.-scott/id942777522 https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-psychology-podcast-with-scott-barry-kaufman/the-psychology-podcast-with-dr-scott-barry-kaufman?refid=stpr See past epodes and join in the Discussion: https://scottbarrykaufman.com/podcast/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thepsychologypodcast?ref=br_tf Twitter: https://twitter.com/psychpodcast